AF...

Well good ole Aunt Flow showed up yesterday..yay me.  Everyone keeps telling me that I should be happy that it has came on its own the last two months, but that isn't what I want.  If I wanted to get my freaking period every month I would just get on birth control, but no, I want a baby.  So please forgive me if I am not beside myself happy about her showing her ugly face.  Yeah, it's great that my body actually did "something" it was supposed to do, but...I still can't get it to do what I want.  I know I know, "but this means you are one step closer." Right now, I really don't give a rats ass.  It pisses me off so bad that so many ppl are able to pop out kids left and right and here I sit cycle, after cycle and I am supposed to be happy that I got my period! My cycles are dwindling down.  I can only take 6 cycles of Clomid and then I am done, money/insurance stops there.  No more, nadda.  I have 4 left.  We can't afford IUI or IVF and it would take years to save that kind of money, $15,000...who has that just lying around to give to someone on the pure "hope" that it will work.  It's like paying a dealership 15 grand and "hoping" they give you a car, you wouldn't do it!  If fact you wouldn't give anyone that kind of money if they said "well, lets hope this works".  I guess if you were a gambler and had that kind of money you would but any sane person would not. 

Hubby and I have talked about what we might do but he just thinks it would cost to much money to do either of those....I do to, but shouldn't I be given a fair freaking chance.  I am just so glad that some ppl can have babies with NO problem, but I can't even have the chance to have a chance.

Ugh, really mad.  Another wasted month of my life down the drain.....woopty do!